Satirical column describes dystopian dining dollars economy
A recent humor column in the University of Virginia’s Cavalier Daily newspaper takes a tongue-in-cheek look at the importance of declining balance and flex bucks on college campuses.
The author describes a fictional casino set up by the University of Virginia that deals exclusively in Flex Dollars. It goes something like this:
UVA's on-campus ‘Flex Dollar Casino’ operates entirely off of students’ Flex Dollars – the campus currency usually meant for food and printing.
The university tracks each student’s gaming activity through their campus ID card usage. One card systems identify heavy gamblers and, like Las Vegas casinos, single them out for perks and incentives.
The casino offers slot machines, poker tables, and blackjack all using Flex. Students flock there hoping to win enough for a few extra sushi bowls, but they often end up trapped in an endless gambling spiral.
Meanwhile, classes sit empty, and professors have abandoned lecturing for day-gambling.
The university tracks each student’s gaming activity through their campus ID card usage. One card systems identify heavy gamblers and, like Las Vegas casinos, single them out for perks and incentives to keep them coming back.
In an extreme case, one student who lost all his Flex Dollars to the casino turned to a life of crime stealing campus ID cards from other dorm residents.
This casino-fueled culture has fundamentally reshaped the University. Academics have given way to gambling education and the bookstore only stocks Flex-investment guides. The once-prestigious campus has fully embraced its new identity: a high-stakes gambler’s paradise where only the rich (in Flex) survive.